🎪 DECEMBER 2025 APPEARANCES 🎪
Come witness the Boot in person! Mandatory attendance encouraged.
STARDUST CELLARS!!!
📍 Wilkesboro, NC
🕐 Sunday, December 14, 2025
Event Name Here
📍 Location TBD
🕐 Date & Time TBD
Description of the event goes here. Toothbrushes will be provided.
Event Name Here
📍 Location TBD
🕐 Date & Time TBD
Description of the event goes here. Zombie energy demonstrations included.
Event Name Here
📍 Location TBD
🕐 Date & Time TBD
Description of the event goes here. Boot autographs available.
More dates to be announced! Follow on social media for updates.
MERCHANDISE
Support the Mandatory Oral Hygiene campaign and the Pony Infrastructure bill! Buy glorious swag or donate directly.
The Unisex Boot Brigade Tee
$25.00
Pink Zom-Pony Stickers
$5.00
MY SOLEMN VOWS TO YOU
Promises you can *actually* believe in. Because I said so.
FREE PONIES FOR ALL
A pony for every American. This is not a metaphor. We will ride them into a new era of pony-based glory. This will also solve our transportation and fossil fuel crisis. It's a win-win.
MANDATORY ORAL HYGIENE
Gingivitis has plagued our nation for too long. Under my rule, toothbrushing will be mandatory. We will identify the plaque-ridden and hold them accountable. Expect dental checkpoints.
ZOMBIE POWERED ENERGY
A federal program to harness the power of the undead. We will attach giant hamster wheels to turbines and lure zombies to power our great nation. It's the ultimate green energy. Plus: free entertainment.
Who is this Man in the Boot?
I am the only politician you can trust. Why? Because I wear a boot on my head. It's a sign of transparency. I have nothing to hide (except what's under the boot, which is none of your business).
For decades, I have been the shining beacon of truth in a sea of political mediocrity. While others offer empty promises, I offer tangible results: ponies, clean teeth, and an apocalypse-proof energy grid. The choice is clear.
Support the Boot